Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Letter to Jacob

J -

I'm so sorry I've let this blog go... One day I hope you look back on all these memories and laugh.  I hope you understand the choices we are making today.  And I pray that you understand my break was from my inability to blog here while Daddy & I wrestled with the changes we've recently made.

But now, that things seem to be falling into place, I guess it is time to let you in on all the changes coming your way.

Come fall you will be leaving Miss Angie's & joining the Young Scholars at Forest Ridge Academy.  You will be leaving your sweats at home in favor of black or tan dress pants with white or burgundy polo shirts.  For dressier days, you will be donning a burgundy sweater vest, white dress shirt & a tie.  Black dress shoes or all black or all white sneakers will grace your feet in place of your much loved Crocs.  We've already picked up a half zip sweatshirt for you to wear when it is colder out, as your current hoodies will not cut it.  You shocked us all when they measured you for a size 5 slim, as the 4's were just a little bit too perfect of a fit for an early summer purchase. 

It is with mixed emotion that we are doing this... The opportunities you will have here are beyond what we could have wished in a school for you, but at the same time, you have blossomed at Miss Angie's.  Each time I explored FRA, I learned more and more reasons why I wanted you here through your 8th grade year.  When Daddy learned they teach on your academic level, not grade level, he jumped at this opportunity as well.  He strongly feels he would have been a better student had he been challenged more, and here you will be allowed to challenge yourself with the sky being the limit.

Mommy is also returning to work 5 days this fall.  I think this was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.  I was so looking forward to spending your Friday afternoons with you hearing all about what you learned all week.  However, Mommy carries our (unbelievably good) health insurance, and Mommy's boss really wants her back on the fast track at work.  Since Mommy needs to maintain our health insurance, as of now anyway, I accepted one of those "you don't turn down opportunities".  I'm more than overwhelmed by this opportunity, and more than a little terrified as to how it will impact you.  You are my number 1 concern, and the idea that my working more hours could harm you has me in tears.  Daddy & I are doing all that we can to offset any potential flaw in our plans come fall.  

As such, you will be spending quite a bit of time with your new Nanny this summer.  She is currently getting married, but by July she should become a permanent fixture in your world.  She is going to become another loving authority figure, and from your first meeting, you were not sure if you enjoyed her or her future hubby more.  You delighted in the attention her Mom paid you, so that Mommy & she could talk about the opportunity, her experience (undergrad degree in elementary ed), and you.  I cannot wait to see what fun Miss Cheryl will create for you.  The plan is for her to pick you up from school by 5, fix you dinner, make your lunch & get things ready so Mommy can just enjoy you when she walks in the door at night.  She'll also back fill Mommy when she is working late. 

Another huge, and extremely hard decision we've made was deciding you would be an only child.  Since December 2008, Daddy & I explored adding to our family.  I'm not going to point fingers or place blame, but I will say... Having a child is a miracle I hope you are able to experience.  I hope you are able to fill your future home with as many children as your heart desires.  Infertility, age, health, work responsibilities (read: responsibilities to the family as a whole) and a bit of personal choice all limited our ability to give you a little brother or sister.  My heart is heavy & aches for this loss.  I know you would have made an awesome big brother.  And one thing you will forever know... You are my life, my heart & my soul.  Daddy & I love you more than we can ever put into words. 

Whew... After that... I guess, I might as well add the latest bit of change coming your way.  You are a thumb sucker.  You found your thumb at 4 months, and never looked back.  You are an equal opportunity thumb sucker.  Right or Left you have no concern, as long as a thumb is in your mouth.  Unfortunately, the Dentist informed Mommy yesterday that has to end.  You are crowding your arch with all this thumb sucking.  So today you went to Miss Angie's sporting 2 Band-Aids and two nails covered in the THUM.  You were so excited, having recently desired to have your nails painted (totally for another day), you were getting your nails painted.  You were getting your beloved Band-Aids.  You were so excited.

Then you put your thumb in your mouth.  After licking your sweatshirt, you promptly announced "Mommy my thumb doesn't taste good."  I'll have to keep you updated on how you do during this difficult phase...

Again, please remember every hard decision we've made it has been with you in our mind & our hearts.  We are doing our best to give you the best opportunities & experiences.  Mommy & Daddy do not always agree on what is best (we grew up in very different households), and sometimes you will probably hear our vocal discussions, but in the end Mommy generally falls in line with Daddy & Daddy generally takes to heart what Mommy says trying to fit it all into the perfect picture for you.  You rock our world!

With all the love in this world & back again,


1 comment:

  1. You are an incredible mother friend... making all the best decisions you possibly can for your little boy. And he will ALWAYS know that and will ALWAYS love you for that.